Fear and courage
Jan. 29th, 2026 10:19 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
baroque_mongooseThe book is now edited (that was a much quicker process than I expected, but of course I wrote it pretty fast, and writing things quickly means that there are going to be fewer inconsistencies because you're able to keep more of the detail in your head), and it is up on AO3 as promised: https://archiveofourown.org/works/78488436?view_full_work=true I need to warn you that there is strong language (not *too* strong - there are some words I can't even bring my characters to use - but definitely a lot of words that I wouldn't personally use, because Glodric's real-life counterpart actually does swear like a trooper. I have, in fact, toned him down a little for Glodric.) There is also not a great deal of combat, so if fight scenes are your thing you're probably going to want to move on to the next fanfic.
And so, of course, now that it's all finished and sorted out, I'm thinking about the story as a whole, including a number of possible spin-off narratives (probably shorter). Morto is definitely going to have some more adventures. So is Jillythacket. Then there's a situation from the past that we find out about very close to the end of the story; I originally put that in to explain why one of the main characters needs psychological healing, but it occurs to me that that situation might have quite a lot of other ramifications, too. A story is really never just one story. It's always a part of a whole nest of interlinking ones.
I've also been thinking about the main themes, and quite a strong one is the nature of courage. To look at my four main characters, you would initially think that Glodric and Reinart were a good deal braver than Kerian and Lindith. Glodric is a natural leader, grumpy, impatient, somewhat irascible, but with a softer side that comes out now and then, and deeply loyal to his friends; Reinart is a very cool customer with a pragmatic approach and a habit of taking a subtle rise out of pretty much everyone. Nothing fazes Reinart. And then you have the diffident and terminally modest Kerian, who is the most famous bard in the world and doesn't handle that very well, and Lindith the quiet cleric who suffers terribly from motion sickness.
And yet it turns out that Kerian is actually the bravest character in the book, regardless of whether or not he himself thinks so. He's already been inside the tower once, where he saw something that was enough to make anyone lose their nerve (and Glodric freely admits he'd have lost his, too, in that situation), and he says, that's it, he's not going in there again; but later he does. Very unhappily, but nonetheless, of his own free will (nobody even expected him to do it, let alone tried to force him), because he realises that he's the logical person to do it. It takes the other characters to tell him that, actually, that is not only brave, it's heroic. Courage isn't about not being afraid. It's about being afraid and doing what you need to do anyway. In a sense - though this isn't explicitly brought out in the story - Kerian is a great deal braver than some gung-ho hero who enjoys the adrenaline rush brought on by a bit of danger; that sort of hero has nothing to overcome.
I was a very fearful child. I was, after all, always taught to be so, though I don't think that was anyone's conscious intention. Nonetheless I remember being very upset when I read C S Lewis talking about courage as the essential virtue. He said that without courage it was impossible to practise any of the other virtues; and I thought, in that case I have no hope. I was still assuming that courage was the opposite of fear.
It's been a very welcome discovery that, in fact, it isn't.
And so, of course, now that it's all finished and sorted out, I'm thinking about the story as a whole, including a number of possible spin-off narratives (probably shorter). Morto is definitely going to have some more adventures. So is Jillythacket. Then there's a situation from the past that we find out about very close to the end of the story; I originally put that in to explain why one of the main characters needs psychological healing, but it occurs to me that that situation might have quite a lot of other ramifications, too. A story is really never just one story. It's always a part of a whole nest of interlinking ones.
I've also been thinking about the main themes, and quite a strong one is the nature of courage. To look at my four main characters, you would initially think that Glodric and Reinart were a good deal braver than Kerian and Lindith. Glodric is a natural leader, grumpy, impatient, somewhat irascible, but with a softer side that comes out now and then, and deeply loyal to his friends; Reinart is a very cool customer with a pragmatic approach and a habit of taking a subtle rise out of pretty much everyone. Nothing fazes Reinart. And then you have the diffident and terminally modest Kerian, who is the most famous bard in the world and doesn't handle that very well, and Lindith the quiet cleric who suffers terribly from motion sickness.
And yet it turns out that Kerian is actually the bravest character in the book, regardless of whether or not he himself thinks so. He's already been inside the tower once, where he saw something that was enough to make anyone lose their nerve (and Glodric freely admits he'd have lost his, too, in that situation), and he says, that's it, he's not going in there again; but later he does. Very unhappily, but nonetheless, of his own free will (nobody even expected him to do it, let alone tried to force him), because he realises that he's the logical person to do it. It takes the other characters to tell him that, actually, that is not only brave, it's heroic. Courage isn't about not being afraid. It's about being afraid and doing what you need to do anyway. In a sense - though this isn't explicitly brought out in the story - Kerian is a great deal braver than some gung-ho hero who enjoys the adrenaline rush brought on by a bit of danger; that sort of hero has nothing to overcome.
I was a very fearful child. I was, after all, always taught to be so, though I don't think that was anyone's conscious intention. Nonetheless I remember being very upset when I read C S Lewis talking about courage as the essential virtue. He said that without courage it was impossible to practise any of the other virtues; and I thought, in that case I have no hope. I was still assuming that courage was the opposite of fear.
It's been a very welcome discovery that, in fact, it isn't.
