The power of not owning unwanted things
Mar. 18th, 2026 10:29 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
baroque_mongooseWhen I was seventeen, my parents got a car for the first time. They had to do that because the bus my dad had been catching to work for the last thirteen years was being axed, and fortunately my mum had kept her driving licence current, just in case. Several of my contemporaries were getting driving lessons, and so of course I asked if I could have them too, as I thought it might possibly turn out to be useful; it wasn't that I really wanted to drive, but there might come a time when I needed to.
That was a really stupid thing to do. I should have known. I got shouted at for asking. Well, of course I did.
Fast forward four years. Now I'm 21 and at university, my sisters are 17, and - again, of course - they get given driving lessons without question. I wasn't even resentful; that wasn't because I was some kind of saint, but simply because I was so used to that kind of thing happening. However badly I was treated, I could always at least rely on the fact that my sisters wouldn't have to put up with the same thing. And it very briefly crossed my mind to ask for driving lessons again, but then I realised two things. One was that I wouldn't get them; but, more importantly, I now knew I didn't really want them. I was, at this point, living in a city with excellent public transport, and I planned to stay there once I graduated. As long as I lived there, I wouldn't need to drive at all, and since I didn't want to learn simply for the fun of it (and never had), then why get shouted at again for asking for lessons?
So I never did learn to drive, and I've therefore never owned a car, and that's been astonishingly freeing. Don't get me wrong; I'm not saying cars are bad. I appreciate a lift now and then, when I need one, which isn't very often. But I have saved a huge amount of hassle and expense by not owning one. When I worked for the University, my boss at one point got very frustrated and asked me why I always had more money than she did when I got paid less. I replied, "It's simple. I don't run a car." (And I also happened to know that she lived on the tram route, and therefore not running a car would be an equally easy option for her.)
She ditched the car. I was a little surprised she did that, because most people, once they have a car, need it; but credit to her for that. I think she ended up happier without it.
I don't have a TV either. It seems to be very much taken for granted that, when you grow up, you get a car and a TV as soon as you can; indeed, I know one person who seemed to think that having a car was some kind of essential marker of full adulthood, and, even though he knew very well I didn't want a car, kept telling me that I should do this and do that "and then you'll be able to get a car". Similarly the TV, although that doesn't seem to be considered quite so essential; nonetheless, it is expected that you will own one, in particular by the TV licensing people, who hassle you about the licence every year. If you don't need a TV licence, you have to make a formal declaration that you don't own a TV, because it is so universally expected that you do. And, again, I don't think TVs are bad; it is possible that there may be something on now and then that I might want to watch. However, the amount I would want to watch it wouldn't justify the licence fee, and I don't like TV very much on the whole, so I wouldn't want to watch it simply in order to feel I'd got my money's worth out of it. The thing is, I much prefer to be doing something. I don't enjoy being passive. Something has to be pretty gripping before I can simply sit and watch it without doing something like knitting to keep me occupied while it's going on.
Oh, and I don't own a smartphone. I did honestly try with that one. Everyone went on about how good they were, so I tried one out for two years or so before the benighted thing finally broke, and, with huge relief, I replaced it with an ordinary stupidphone. (To be fair, I rarely use my mobile, and I wouldn't have it at all were it not for the fact that there are some websites where you can't buy anything unless you give them a mobile number... and IKEA is, unfortunately, one of them. It's where I get all my bedding.) I discovered that using the Internet on a mobile phone really doesn't work for me; the screen is too small so you have to scroll all the time, but, more than anything else, the keyboard is incredibly annoying to use. I'm a competent touch typist. You cannot touch type on a mobile phone keyboard. And if I'm not going to access the Internet on my mobile, then I don't need it to be a smartphone. Great that they work for most other people, but they don't for me. I'll stick with my laptop, thank you very much (and, in any case, the mobile reception round here is frankly awful).
I'm not an ascetic. I have plenty of things I do use and get on with, like the laptop, and the washing machine, and the air fryer, and so on. But there is still something remarkably liberating about not owning things you don't especially want just because everyone else expects you to own them. You're not under any obligation to do that.
Ironically, my parents' original refusal to get me driving lessons probably sprang from a fear that my being able to get around as I liked would make it more difficult to control me; but it actually meant that I had more money in the long run than I would otherwise have done, so it was harder for them to control me financially. Kismet, I suppose. Anyway, at least that side of things all worked out well in the end.
That was a really stupid thing to do. I should have known. I got shouted at for asking. Well, of course I did.
Fast forward four years. Now I'm 21 and at university, my sisters are 17, and - again, of course - they get given driving lessons without question. I wasn't even resentful; that wasn't because I was some kind of saint, but simply because I was so used to that kind of thing happening. However badly I was treated, I could always at least rely on the fact that my sisters wouldn't have to put up with the same thing. And it very briefly crossed my mind to ask for driving lessons again, but then I realised two things. One was that I wouldn't get them; but, more importantly, I now knew I didn't really want them. I was, at this point, living in a city with excellent public transport, and I planned to stay there once I graduated. As long as I lived there, I wouldn't need to drive at all, and since I didn't want to learn simply for the fun of it (and never had), then why get shouted at again for asking for lessons?
So I never did learn to drive, and I've therefore never owned a car, and that's been astonishingly freeing. Don't get me wrong; I'm not saying cars are bad. I appreciate a lift now and then, when I need one, which isn't very often. But I have saved a huge amount of hassle and expense by not owning one. When I worked for the University, my boss at one point got very frustrated and asked me why I always had more money than she did when I got paid less. I replied, "It's simple. I don't run a car." (And I also happened to know that she lived on the tram route, and therefore not running a car would be an equally easy option for her.)
She ditched the car. I was a little surprised she did that, because most people, once they have a car, need it; but credit to her for that. I think she ended up happier without it.
I don't have a TV either. It seems to be very much taken for granted that, when you grow up, you get a car and a TV as soon as you can; indeed, I know one person who seemed to think that having a car was some kind of essential marker of full adulthood, and, even though he knew very well I didn't want a car, kept telling me that I should do this and do that "and then you'll be able to get a car". Similarly the TV, although that doesn't seem to be considered quite so essential; nonetheless, it is expected that you will own one, in particular by the TV licensing people, who hassle you about the licence every year. If you don't need a TV licence, you have to make a formal declaration that you don't own a TV, because it is so universally expected that you do. And, again, I don't think TVs are bad; it is possible that there may be something on now and then that I might want to watch. However, the amount I would want to watch it wouldn't justify the licence fee, and I don't like TV very much on the whole, so I wouldn't want to watch it simply in order to feel I'd got my money's worth out of it. The thing is, I much prefer to be doing something. I don't enjoy being passive. Something has to be pretty gripping before I can simply sit and watch it without doing something like knitting to keep me occupied while it's going on.
Oh, and I don't own a smartphone. I did honestly try with that one. Everyone went on about how good they were, so I tried one out for two years or so before the benighted thing finally broke, and, with huge relief, I replaced it with an ordinary stupidphone. (To be fair, I rarely use my mobile, and I wouldn't have it at all were it not for the fact that there are some websites where you can't buy anything unless you give them a mobile number... and IKEA is, unfortunately, one of them. It's where I get all my bedding.) I discovered that using the Internet on a mobile phone really doesn't work for me; the screen is too small so you have to scroll all the time, but, more than anything else, the keyboard is incredibly annoying to use. I'm a competent touch typist. You cannot touch type on a mobile phone keyboard. And if I'm not going to access the Internet on my mobile, then I don't need it to be a smartphone. Great that they work for most other people, but they don't for me. I'll stick with my laptop, thank you very much (and, in any case, the mobile reception round here is frankly awful).
I'm not an ascetic. I have plenty of things I do use and get on with, like the laptop, and the washing machine, and the air fryer, and so on. But there is still something remarkably liberating about not owning things you don't especially want just because everyone else expects you to own them. You're not under any obligation to do that.
Ironically, my parents' original refusal to get me driving lessons probably sprang from a fear that my being able to get around as I liked would make it more difficult to control me; but it actually meant that I had more money in the long run than I would otherwise have done, so it was harder for them to control me financially. Kismet, I suppose. Anyway, at least that side of things all worked out well in the end.
