One piece of chocolate
Apr. 19th, 2026 10:05 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
baroque_mongooseThe cold is still present, and it's causing high-frequency deafness. Normally my hearing is very good across the entire spectrum. On Friday I had my headphones on because I was waiting for my sister to join a Zoom call; I could still hear the low-frequency sound of the air fryer without difficulty, so I could tell when it stopped, but unusually I was almost unable to hear the beep. This morning I've had the washing machine on, and that has a much quieter beep than the air fryer; even so, I can normally hear it just fine. Not today. I have heard no beep at all. My sister, who got the cold four or five days before I did, also still has it, so it is a particularly long-lasting one - which, we are both agreed, is most irksome.
Anyway, today I want to talk about Bob the Lodger deciding to lose weight. I was quite used to people at work saying they needed to lose weight when they didn't, but it had to be said that Bob did. He was, let us say, a podgy lodger; and he decided he didn't want to be, so he came to me for advice.
"Well," I said, "you could make a really good start by not absent-mindedly nomming your way through an entire 400 g block of Cadbury's Dairy Milk most afternoons while you're coding. I'm not going to tell you to stop eating chocolate altogether, because then you'll just crave it; I don't believe in forbidden foods. But I think if you ate better quality chocolate, you would be able to eat a lot less, because it wouldn't take so much to feel satisfied." This, I might add, was something I knew from experience; when I was extremely poor, I used to buy these rather doubtful chocolate drops from the local covered market because they were dirt cheap. They weren't that nice, but nonetheless I found myself eating more of them than if they had been better quality, because I was trying to get enough "chocolateness" out of them. I'd have been better off spending a little more on my chocolate; it would probably have saved me money, as I'd have eaten less of it.
I didn't have to explain all that to Bob because he immediately saw the logic of it. So he asked me, "Do you have any better quality chocolate in the house?"
And I said, "Is the Pope Catholic?"
What I had, as it happened, was Lindt chilli chocolate. Dark chocolate, so quite a full-on chocolate hit as well as a spice hit. I also knew very well that Bob the Lodger was not especially spice-tolerant; he thought a Sainsbury's prawn curry ready meal was very hot (most other people will tell you it only just barely qualifies as a curry). And so, because I am not cruel, I warned him. I explained that this was good chocolate, but it also had chilli in it and he'd get quite a kick. He listened, and decided to try it anyway.
"Mmm," he said. "I see what you mean. This is very good chocolate... ah... er... ???!!!"
I have to say, the progression of expressions on his face as the chilli revved from 0 to "decent madras" over the next thirty seconds or so was pure comedy gold. To be fair to him, though, he did recover himself masterfully.
"You're quite right," he said, still blinking. "I wouldn't want to eat more than one piece."
He went on the Atkins diet in the end... but that's a whole 'nother story.
Anyway, today I want to talk about Bob the Lodger deciding to lose weight. I was quite used to people at work saying they needed to lose weight when they didn't, but it had to be said that Bob did. He was, let us say, a podgy lodger; and he decided he didn't want to be, so he came to me for advice.
"Well," I said, "you could make a really good start by not absent-mindedly nomming your way through an entire 400 g block of Cadbury's Dairy Milk most afternoons while you're coding. I'm not going to tell you to stop eating chocolate altogether, because then you'll just crave it; I don't believe in forbidden foods. But I think if you ate better quality chocolate, you would be able to eat a lot less, because it wouldn't take so much to feel satisfied." This, I might add, was something I knew from experience; when I was extremely poor, I used to buy these rather doubtful chocolate drops from the local covered market because they were dirt cheap. They weren't that nice, but nonetheless I found myself eating more of them than if they had been better quality, because I was trying to get enough "chocolateness" out of them. I'd have been better off spending a little more on my chocolate; it would probably have saved me money, as I'd have eaten less of it.
I didn't have to explain all that to Bob because he immediately saw the logic of it. So he asked me, "Do you have any better quality chocolate in the house?"
And I said, "Is the Pope Catholic?"
What I had, as it happened, was Lindt chilli chocolate. Dark chocolate, so quite a full-on chocolate hit as well as a spice hit. I also knew very well that Bob the Lodger was not especially spice-tolerant; he thought a Sainsbury's prawn curry ready meal was very hot (most other people will tell you it only just barely qualifies as a curry). And so, because I am not cruel, I warned him. I explained that this was good chocolate, but it also had chilli in it and he'd get quite a kick. He listened, and decided to try it anyway.
"Mmm," he said. "I see what you mean. This is very good chocolate... ah... er... ???!!!"
I have to say, the progression of expressions on his face as the chilli revved from 0 to "decent madras" over the next thirty seconds or so was pure comedy gold. To be fair to him, though, he did recover himself masterfully.
"You're quite right," he said, still blinking. "I wouldn't want to eat more than one piece."
He went on the Atkins diet in the end... but that's a whole 'nother story.
